I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
