: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
