then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
