Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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