"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
