So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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