remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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