So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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