A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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