Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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