How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
