An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you mean i was at the winter classic?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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