I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
