We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
