you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
