woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
