woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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