I got chris browned last night
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
