the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
