Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
