I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
