marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
