He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
