I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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