Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
