Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
