my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
