You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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