the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
