That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
