walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
