Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
