the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm like, not good at living.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
