Kareoke will never be a sober sport
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
