goodnight i made you a song goodbye
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
