He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
