I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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