I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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