I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
