someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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