It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
