I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
