Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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