I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I checked into jail on foursquare
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
