you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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