Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
