He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize