Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
either way he was missing a nipple.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
