you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
