Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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