This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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