We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
