I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
