I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
