cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
