i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
