Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
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after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
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You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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