WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
