my phone needs a breathalizer
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
