There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
