I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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