He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
