you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
