Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
