and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
