I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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