Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
