You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
