too bad you live with your parents still
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
