Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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