dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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