Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
