I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
