I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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