im drinking this country out of the recession.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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