her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
